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Comparing yourself with others is so painful

I’ve had it. The end. No more compare and despair.

For those of you balanced people not in the know, compare and despair is when you look at others business/career/husband/ass and compare it with your own (inferior) one.

This never ends well.

Unless you think that burying yourself in your husband’s armpit and crying about how awful it all is counts as working.

I guess that intimate vulnerability does have its benefits (insert R rated thoughts here. I’m going to keep it clean though. This is a family blog.)

DISTRACTION!

So I made you a little video. I’m not wearing makeup and my hair isn’t did.

But it’s the truth.

This isn’t some lame-ass strategy to reel you in. Which is so gross. Vulnerability is all the rage right now. For good reason. But I’ve seen some people pretending to be vulnerable but you can tell they’re not really. It always make my stomach twist.

This video came from an impulse that wouldn’t pass. And it terrified me in an electric sort of way. So I promised myself if I didn’t like the video after it was done, I didn’t have to show anyone.

If you want to play the compare and despair game with me today, do it up!

You’ll totally win!

Unless winning means being someone other than who you are right here, right now, in this moment.

Which it never does.

Be you.

Love,

Sarah

 

36 Responses to Comparing yourself with others is so painful

  1. KCLAnderson (Karen) August 21, 2013 at 6:42 am #

    Brava!

    • Sarah August 21, 2013 at 9:37 am #

      Brava you.
      xo

  2. Allison Evans August 21, 2013 at 7:17 am #

    A. You rock. Thank you.
    B. Is it the moon or something?? I have been feeling so compare-and-despairish, and I wrote a very raw, vulnerable blog today but did NOT have the courage to post it. Unlike you.
    C. See “A” again.

    • Sarah August 21, 2013 at 9:37 am #

      omg. You are comparing your compare and despair to my compare and despair. Stop it.

  3. Katie August 21, 2013 at 8:42 am #

    Well, I don’t think I’m in compare and despair right now, but I’m in something. I appreciate this video all the same. The vulnerability part… I love you Sarah. Thanks for being you and for being in my world. xoxox

    • Sarah August 21, 2013 at 9:38 am #

      That damn something. Totally get it. Love you Katie girl.

  4. Sharon Howard August 21, 2013 at 9:30 am #

    Don’t have my website yet. Maybe you’ll help me with that some day!! Had to say I FEEL YA… I have a quote for it; LET THE TRUTH BE WHAT IT IS. Our bodies are the only ones that know the truth. There’s almost nothing in our world that reflects it back at us so that we can recognize it. But it is written on our hearts. Power to the game changers. You are truly a BRAVE CHICK XOXOXOXO
    Love, Sharon

    • Sarah August 21, 2013 at 9:38 am #

      As if we could let the truth be anything other than what it is. It’s more like quit telling yourself the truth isn’t what it is. XOXOXO to you.

      • Sharon Howard August 23, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

        The True True :)

  5. Birgit Weskamp August 21, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

    Great video, Sarah! Whenever I get into Compare and Despair mode, which happens regularly, I acknowledge it, and then have the intention to let it go… let it drift down the river into the ocean where all is peace…

    Love, Birgit

    • Sarah August 21, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

      Aaaaah! Thanks Birgit!

  6. Barb Morris August 22, 2013 at 10:51 am #

    I’ve unsubscribed from most newsletters and groups also, for the same reason. You, however, I invite into my in of with open arms. Thank you, Sarah.

    • Sarah August 23, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

      Barb, this makes me so happy. Love it! Thank you!

  7. rebecca @ altared spaces August 24, 2013 at 9:18 am #

    Thank you. You are a dear. To my heart. Sarah Yost. Thank you.

    • Sarah August 28, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

      And you, Sweet. Thank you.

  8. Karen August 26, 2013 at 12:58 pm #

    Girrrrrl, what synchronistic timing! Just this morning I shared with my spiritual running buddies about a recent shame spiral I experienced last week, spawned from an old wound that got triggered. That wound is of the “Who do you think YOU are? What makes you so special, Karen?” variety. She’s a doozy of a hurt. Today, thankfully, she’s pretty well nurtured and cared for and put to bed. But when the trigger happened it caughed up all that historic feeling of, “I’m not worthy, I’m not good, I’m not capable,” which manifested with me feeling about 1000 pounds over weight and like a big, fat, failure. Luckily, I have enough tools in the toolkit now to reel this feeling in and to unpack what’s really going on. And so instead of losing days, weeks, months in the compare-despair hampster wheel I can just off the crazy spinout usually within a few minutes or hours. Good to know we’ve all felt this. Your video was an awesomely timed wink from the universe. Big hug for that and for the work you’re creating ; )

    • Karen August 26, 2013 at 1:01 pm #

      P.S. And thanks for your huge bravery and radical honesty ; )

      • Sarah August 26, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

        Love hearing this so much, Karen.

        I’m wondering if we ever get to such an evolved point that we never step on the shame spiral? I’m thinking probably not. Right now I’m very satisfied with caring for myself in spite of it.

        xo

        • Karen August 26, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

          You’re awesome. Great question. For me, I think that shame spiral is always one choice away. Am I going to indulge her or am I going to take the next right action step? Sounds like the latter is just what you’re doing. And I’m sure your audience appreciates hugely your full transparency. I know I do! xo

          • Sarah August 26, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

            Indulge! Love that word. That’s exactly what it is.

  9. Tina Pruitt (@TinaPruitt) August 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm #

    Sarah! I so love this girl! You are so “right on” with your actions….truly, we are guided the right way for US when we listen and turn off the other noise that can be so terribly distracting. Love this post, love your openness, love your sharing….thank you thank you for reminding us we are perfectly okay just the way we are and for us to continue down our own paths uniquely and “listening”.

    xo, Tina

    • Sarah August 26, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

      Tina,

      “perfectly okay just the way we are.”

      Tattooing that on my forehead.

      xo

  10. Megan August 26, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    This is SO great! It is SO refreshing to hear that every one goes through this. I know I have, and I always think I don’t have enough clarity, or business plan or whatever, but I think this is just human nature, especially in the industry we are in. Thank you for sharing, this really meant a lot to me.

    • Sarah August 27, 2013 at 9:55 am #

      Megan, I’m so glad. Our industry sure makes it difficult to avoid since we’re all online. We can stalk each other and compare/despair all day long. xo

  11. Bianca August 27, 2013 at 11:10 am #

    Sarah, you blew me away with this video. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and expressing your truth. It really resonated with me and I’m sure it did for others as well. Comparing ourselves to others makes us lose the confidence and power we have of ourselves. You’re advice, “Be You” pretty much nails it :) We need to continue to just be ourselves AND to love and accept ourselves if we ever want to stop being so affected by what others are doing/thinking/saying

    • Sarah August 28, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

      Bianca,
      Coming from the video queen, I so appreciate your comment! And yes. Be you. I should write that on my bathroom mirror.

  12. Renee August 27, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    Sarah,
    It is so funny that you say that being vulnerable is a tread. I was wondering about that earlier this week. As I write this comment, its my birthday . And I am decided to quit the comparing as I love myself to much and wasted to many years in this game. Thanks for your timely post! Viva self love!!!

    • Sarah August 28, 2013 at 4:22 pm #

      Renee,
      Happy Birthday week!!!! Yes. Quit comparing. It never works out well. :) Even when we compare and we come out on top. It’s just a way to separate ourselves from each other. No good.
      Viva self love!

  13. Christine August 27, 2013 at 9:57 pm #

    So all the spiritual people tell you that you are unique and only you can do what you do, and you think blah, blah, blah because you know there are people out there who do everything hundred times better. But it is true. Only you are you and sometimes one just need a little time and practice. Time to get the self confidence needed, practice to get the web site looking good, time to find out exactly what you are good at. I think you are well on your way! Good luck! Much love, Christine

    • Sarah August 28, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

      Christine, It comes down to believing that You are enough, right? Regardless of everyone else and your history and all of it. You are plenty. xo

  14. Loralee August 28, 2013 at 4:39 pm #

    Love you always! Love your work – vulnerable & honest as always. And such a great reminder in something I work hard to avoid, but still trip over more often than not. Especially during times when I’ve also had negative feedback about my own work (usually that negative feedback comes along with – “You shouldn’t be doing it this way. Why don’t you do it more like so and so”… and then I look up so and so and…. it never ever goes well)

    thank you Sarah!

    • Sarah August 28, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

      Aaargh! Loralee! You shouldn’t do it that way. Honestly, when I think that it’s way worse than when others tell me. Either way is a lose lose.

    • Welcome August 26, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

      Taking the ovwreiev, this post is first class

  15. Juls September 10, 2013 at 9:19 am #

    Girlfriend, first off you look AMAZING without makeup so if I were you, I would never wear any:) Secondly, wow! How courageous, real and downright authentic. You’ve inspired me to “unsubscribe” from the “newsletters” I receive that compare my body to others. By unsubscribing I can do what you are doing, get the information from inside where the Truth lies. Thanks for putting yourself out there!

  16. Lisa | Practically Intuitive September 16, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

    Sarah, just watched this and I so get it. I teach people how to tune in and listen to their intuition and yet I was blindsided by “compare and despair” myself. I gave over my own intuitive power to others when I was paying them big bucks because I thought they knew better than me how to create and run my business.

    Turns out, not a lot of that information was helpful to me. What WAS helpful is just as you said – listening to the way Spirit speaks *to me* and trusting that it’s enough.

    Appreciate your honesty and integrity. <3

    • Sarah September 19, 2013 at 12:48 pm #

      Right there with you. I’m glad you commented, Lisa. Enough. Enough. Enough. Knowing that we have and are enough is so powerful.

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