How to change in a relationship without driving your partner batshit

never stop.


When Carolyn’s husband kissed her good-bye for work, she told him she would need to leave too, in 6 minutes.

Incredulous, he teased, “You track the minutes?”

She got pissed. She thought he was questioning who she is, how she does things. She thought he was saying she was wrong to be the way she is. Of course she tracks the minutes. She doesn’t want to leave too early and doesn’t want to be late. Hence, 6 minutes.

She blew one remark out of proportion because it triggered her hotbed of issues.

Carolyn wants to be herself. She wants to quit conforming to other people’s expectations of how and who she should be.

She wants to be herself, dammit!

Have you ever tried to change the way you interact in a relationship? It’s messy and unwieldy. Little things are highly charged and it’s easy to be oversensitive.

To smooth the transition, warn your partner.

1. Timing: talk to him when the heat’s not on.

2. Reassure him: Tell him you’re trying to change and so if you seem extra sensitive or off the hook, it’s about you, not him.If it’s true, tell him you love him and you want things to be better between you but the transition might get a little weird.

3. Be kind: If you’re not sure you love him, want to stay married, or think he’s a priggish lazy ass, don’t say so. Keep the conversation about you for now.

4. But tell the truth: Even if you’re afraid of his reaction to your change, warn him that it’s happening. It’s a lot easier to do it when you’ve got 1-3 above covered than right after he questioned your tracking of the last 6 minutes before you leave AKA called your entire way of being in the world wrong.

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