This is the fourth in a series about mindful weight loss. The series is in preparation for an intimate weight loss coaching circle starting in May. Click here for Soulful + Salty mindful eating
I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
One night I was on the phone with Janice, my mentor. I felt like shit. I was moody and pissed off. I didn’t have any energy.
She asked me what I’d been eating. There was an open package of pepperoni on the couch next to me. Frozen, stale wedding cake sat in a Tupperware on the coffee table in front of me.
Blew. My. Mind.
That was the first time I realized that what I ate mattered.
Other than vaguely worrying about calories and fat, I hadn’t equated my diet with my emotional life.
I’d been drinking Dr. Pepper all day. Eating Twinkies on the hour. My blood sugar was up and down constantly. Sometimes I had to stop at the gas station to get something sugary to bring my blood sugar back up from a miserable crash that left me deflated, shaky and clammy.
I gave up sugar for the first time.
The first few days were hell. Withdrawal left me listless and sick. Pretty soon, though, I felt normal. Sane. Calm. I didn’t cry and get pissed off so easily.
Of course I didn’t stick with it.
Every evening I still craved something sweet. Instead of eating ice cream or Ding-Dong’s, I ate things covered in brown rice syrup.
I had changed the type of food I was putting in my body. But I hadn’t changed that I was using food to deal with my emotions. I still wanted to eat when I was bored. Or embarrassed. Or transitioning to a different task. Or… Or…. Or…..It was inevitable that I would revert to using food that tasted good but felt bad in my body.
I have gone off and on sugar eleventy million times since then. It never lasts.
Sugar isn’t the problem.
Just like alcohol wasn’t the problem when I couldn’t quit drinking.
Drugs weren’t the problem when I couldn’t stop using.
Cigarettes weren’t the problem when I couldn’t quit smoking.
Food isn’t the problem.
And food isn’t the solution. Any solution that stops at changing the diet won’t last.
What are you blaming?
Join me for a deep delving ride to your soul. Soulful + Salty Mindful Eating Circle starts May 1.