• Get The Brave Chick's Guide to Putting Yourself Out There

The 3 stages of Building a Website and What This Has to Do With Your Sex Life

I’m a life coach. I work with people who want to create a better life for themselves.

A better sex life.

A better business life.

A better creative life.

When I started building websites, I thought I was creating a totally separate business. I created a separate website with a separate name. I hired a team that I hadn’t needed before this venture. I marketed in a different way to different people. I thought I was doing a totally new thing.

I love new things!

But what I found was that building a website was one piece of the puzzle for people who were creating better lives for themselves. And with it brought the same hopes, fears, and vulnerabilities that any other project brings.

I thought site building would be a totally separate part of my coaching practice.

Coaching over here. Websites over there.

But of course I use my life coaching skills all the time when I’m working with people creating websites.

This is the same work I’ve always done with people working through projects.

Whether it’s the project of creating a better sex life, creating a coaching program or a new website, there are similar issues that go along with each stage.


People either love to start projects but not go very far with them. Or they think and think and analyze until they do nothing. Or some combination of both.

Do you want a better sex life?

Or a website?

Either way we’re going to get clear on what you really, really want. Not what you “should” want but what you really want.

How I coach people through this: We sort through all of their ideas to find the golden nuggets. Sift through their “should’s” to get to what they really long for. When they’re clear on what they want we can work through how to execute it.

What feels like a miss-mash of overwhelm to them looks to me like a few disparate pieces that need to be sorted.

We get to the golden message they’re scared to publicize.

Then the next day when they email me to say they’ve changed their mind and they don’t want to say that tender thing after all, I call them and coach them away from the ledge.


Do you want a better sex life?

Or a new website?

Once you get past that scary OMG-LET’S-REALLY-DO-THIS hump, continuing to take fresh action and carve a new path stops being so interesting.

Even if the continual action is giving yourself a daily O. Which is an awesome thing.

But even sticking with something so delicious is difficult. Other things come up (no pun intended.) Your pleasure seems less important.

It’s difficult to sustain interest. Especially with a website, which is not something my clients are interested in. It’s more of a necessary evil for them. They know they probably need one and they’re willing to go along with that, but they’d like to think about it as little as possible.

How I coach people through this: I give them clear directions about what I do and don’t need them to do. I don’t give them too many choices. If I give them design options, I narrow them down to 2-4 options. Any more and people shut down. And because we spend so much time together at the beginning, the options I give them are generally pretty close to matching what they see in their mind.


Do you want a better sex life? Finishing this project goes beyond your climax.

It might be taking the big action of hitting on your beloved even if you think he’ll reject you.

Or for asking for what crazy role playing you really want and risking that he’ll think you’re a freak.

Or for getting that divorce you’ve been resisting for years and striking out on a new path.

This can be scary as hell.

If you’re working on a new website, this means you’re going for it. Sex life or website. Book or new job, finishing is where you go for it!

When you press publish it brings up all the fears.

It’s not perfect. People will see what a fraudster/loser/weak person I am and how I have nothing original to say! I’LL DIE OF THE EMBARRASSMENT.

I have to come out of the closet. My dad/mom/high school teacher will see it and know what I’m doing. They’re going to silently judge me and I’LL DIE OF THE EMBARRASSMENT.

This means I’m going public. Making it real. Now everyone is going to know I’m a life coach. Which they’ll think is stupid and so I’LL DIE OF THE EMBARRASSMENT.

Who do I think I am? I don’t have my problems solved yet. People will expect me to have my act together and I don’t and then they’ll know and I’LL DIE OF THE EMBARRASSMENT.

How I coach people through this: I help them find their own awesome. We talk about their fears and how many people they’re going to help. I pay attention to whichever fears they’re attaching to and address those.

If they’re afraid of the technological pieces, we spend time 1:1 going over the back end of their site. Knowledge is power.

If they’re afraid of blogging because they really don’t want to, we work through alternative methods of reaching out to their people.

If they’re afraid of the embarrassment, which is at the heart of most of it, we work through it. Because you know what? Embarrassment is just a feeling. Feelings don’t kill. Secrets kill. Hiding from feelings kill. But feelings are just sensations that vibrate through your body in a particular way in response to your thoughts. That’s all. They’re just the bogeyman and they don’t exist in the light.

I walk with people into the light and together we go for it!

This is tender, holy work. If it’s your site, we’re using the tools of design, wordpress and marketing. But at the heart of it, it’s the same work I’ve always done with people.

If it’s your sex life, it’s the tools of using a fancy new toy or reading a pleasure manual like Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts.

What do you really want?

Why do you believe you can’t have that?

Let’s walk together and create it.

Now it’s yours. Go forth and help people.

Are you ready to walk into the light? I only have 4 website spots available right now until October. And 2 coaching spots.

Let’s talk and I’ll give you a clear assessment of what you’re dealing with and if/how I can help. sarahwagneryost @ gmail.com.


One Response to The 3 stages of Building a Website and What This Has to Do With Your Sex Life

  1. Denise Dare September 8, 2014 at 7:14 pm #

    Totally diggin’ your style, Sarah!

    Love the sex + site connection.

    It’s all about awareness + inspired action.

    Thank you for the lighthearted reminder + inspiration!



Leave a Reply